A love style is essentially a set of inclinations and tendencies of how we associate and relate to our romantic partner.

The love style :

According to Milan and Kay, a majority of people fall into one of these five categories. Read on to find out which one you are.
(source: https://psych2go.net/dr-milan-kay-yerkovichs-5-love-styles/)

THE PLEASER

The people who fall within this category grew up with parents who were either angry and critical or overly protective. The pleaser might also have grown up in families with distressed parents or very wild siblings.

Growing up, the pleaser is usually the “good kid.”

They do everything within their ability to be on their best behavior. Children are the ones who give comfort to their reactive parents, rather than receiving comfort from their parents. On the outside, pleasers may seem to be well put together. Like they have everything figured out. They are usually very nice, have a giving nature, and are very committed. This is what the spouses of pleasers get attracted to.

When they find themselves in a disagreement, they try to end the disagreement quickly by either making up for the disagreement or giving in. When they are bothered by something or angry with their spouse, they might resort to passive aggressiveness rather than directly addressing the situation. Sometimes, they might even lie about what they feel in order to avoid a confrontation.

Pleasers are very anxious about making other people upset. As they grow up, they learn to read the moods of others and behave in ways that ensure they can keep everyone happy. Pleasers have a hard time saying no and do not have any personal boundaries. As a result, they will often put the needs of others before their own.

THE VICTIM

The people who fall under this love style usually grew up in very chaotic homes, with one or both parents being very angry and violent. From a very young age, victims learn that the best way to survive is to be compliant and to stay under the radar. This is so that they don’t attract a lot of attention to themselves. They learn to hide and stay quiet whenever the violent parent is around. Why because they know the parent might get triggered by anything and take out his or her anger on them.

Very often, because of the trauma of growing with an angry and violent parent, children build an imaginary world inside their minds. This is so that they can escape to when the reality within the home becomes too unbearable. Due to the trauma of growing up in a chaotic environment, victims often have low self-esteem and do not have their own opinions. They may also struggle with anxiety and depression.

Even in times of relative calmness, victims might still feel uneasy because they expect something nasty to blow up any minute. Victims may dissociate from reality or fall into addiction as a way of dealing with problems in their lives. They might also display anger towards children.

The spouses of victims are initially attracted to them due to the victim’s compliance and non-resistance. However, much later in the relationship, the spouse might start seeing them as a kid and start despising them. This could be due to their weakness. Ironically, victims may end up in relationships with controllers who have the same behaviors the victim had to deal with when growing up.

THE CONTROLLER

People who exhibit the controller love style grew up where they did not have much attention or any sense of protection. These children learned that the only way to survive is to toughen up and learn how to take care of themselves. They learn not to be dependent on anyone from a very young age. Controllers feel the need to be in control at all times because this helps them keep away the feelings of fear, helplessness and humiliation. If you take away their sense of control, they are usually left feeling vulnerable.

Controllers have a strong tendency to display anger. To them, anger is a weapon that they use to intimidate others and ensure that they don’t lose their power. Controllers don’t have much empathy towards others, and will often demand compliance from others, even when the compliance may result in the other person getting hurt. Owing to their need to always feel in control, people who exhibit this love style usually have very rigid tendencies.

Controllers like dealing with problems on their own, but they are usually very wary about stepping out of their comfort zone since doing so leaves them feeling vulnerable. Controllers may find themselves struggling with various addictions.

The spouses of controllers are initially attracted to them because they like the controller’s decisiveness and their ability to take charge. Deeper into the relationship, however, the spouse might start feeling afraid or abused.

THE VACILLATOR

Kids who grow up to become vacillators are often brought up by very unpredictable parents. The parent gives the kid just enough attention to make them desire more, though more is never forthcoming. From a young age, these children learn that they are no-where near their parent’s priorities. Due to a lack of consistent attention, these children become highly sensitive to signs of connection and rejection. They also develop a deep fear of being abandoned. Due to lack of attention, vacillators feel alone and misunderstood.

When they get to adulthood, vacillators get on a quest to find the consistent love and connection that were deprived of during their childhood. The result is that they tend to idealize new relationships. When they get into a new relationship, they feel like they have found their soul mate. They dedicate lots of time and attention. They feel that they will finally get the love and attention that they so much crave. Unfortunately, it is impossible for their partner to live to the idealized image. So the vacillator becomes disappointed and starts blaming the partner because they feel the partner is not loving them as they should.

Even in adulthood, vacillators feel misunderstood and go through stress and internal conflict within their relationships. Due to their high sensitivity to signs of connection and rejection, they will spot even the slightest change in their partners. During the initial stages of a relationship, the spouse of a vacillator is attracted by the fact that there is a lot of passion.

With time, however, the spouse starts feeling like they are not enough. Regardless of what the spouse does, it doesn’t feel enough. This forces the spouse to act like they are walking on eggshells because they are fearful of the vacillator’s mood shifts.

THE AVOIDER

People who exhibit this love style grew up where affection and expression of feelings were either minimized or discouraged. They grew up in performance-based homes where independence and self-reliance were the only values encouraged. Since they do not receive much affection and comfort, children learn that the only way to avoid feeling anxious about lack of affection is to learn to restrict feelings and avoid coming across as needy.

Avoiders learn to take care of themselves from a young age. They also learn to approach situations based on logic and detachment rather than emotion. They tend to feel uncomfortable dealing with the emotional ups and downs of people. Also, they love being given their space. Having grown in homes devoid of affection, avoiders are not very good at expressing love verbally. Instead, they might prefer expressing through non-verbal ways such as quality attention, giving of gifts and physical touch.

Sometimes, even physical touch might be a problem. For instance, some avoiders might only be comfortable with physical touch during sex. They will avoid other forms of physical affection like, hugging, cuddling or holding hands. Avoiders might also prefer superficial conversations over deeper conversations meant to create a connection and can also be dismissive. Additionally, many avoiders have very low empathy.

Avoiders are usually focused on performance and solutions. Many of them become workaholics. They might spend all their time on work or hobbies, to the extent that their partner feels ignored. During the early stages of a relationship, the spouse of an avoider is attracted by the sense of stability, responsibility, and predictability in the avoider’s life. With time, the spouse might feel they are not needed, and that they are left out in decision-making. The spouse can also feel like the avoider is indifferent or emotionally detached.

What is the right love style?

Regardless of the kind of love style you currently exhibit, what you should aspire to be is a secure connector. A secure connector is a person who is comfortable with giving and receiving love.

Secure connectors recognize both their strengths and weaknesses and those of others. They can interact with their romantic partners without idealizing or devaluing. They also have no problem communicating their feelings and needs. Secure connectors are good at resolving conflicts and are comfortable with setting and maintaining personal boundaries. Because of these characteristics, secure connectors build the healthiest and most stable relationships.

Love style: What do you mean when you say 'I love you' ?

Knowing our lifestyle and that of our lovers’ is crucial since it helps us to understand some of our tendencies and inclinations. Or those of our lovers’ that might be affecting our relationship.

212 Comments

  1. Hey! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give
    a quick shout out and say I truly enjoy reading through your
    posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same topics?
    Appreciate it!

  2. Hi there very cool website!! Man .. Excellent .. Superb .. I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally?
    I am satisfied to search out so many useful info here in the submit,
    we want develop extra strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing.
    . . . . .

  3. Hi there! Someone in my Facebook group shared this
    website with us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be
    tweeting this to my followers! Wonderful blog and excellent style and design.

    1. Author

      Howdy! Feel free to follow us on Twitter @MusingUntamed.
      Appreciate the support 🙂

  4. This post gives clear idea in support of the new users of blogging, that genuinely how to do blogging and site-building.

  5. I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep it up!
    I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later
    on. Many thanks

    1. Author

      Hey there! Thank you for supporting!! Keep coming back here every weekend to enjoy yourself with a relatable post 😀

  6. Hello, i think that i saw you visited my blog thus i came to “return the favor”.I
    am attempting to find things to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

  7. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get setup?
    I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
    I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% certain. Any suggestions or advice
    would be greatly appreciated. Kudos

  8. Howdy! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog.
    Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty
    quick. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure
    where to start. Do you have any points or
    suggestions? Cheers

  9. I think that is among the such a lot significant information for me.
    And i’m happy studying your article. However want to observation on some general issues,
    The website style is ideal, the articles is actually nice : D.
    Just right task, cheers

    1. Author

      Thanks buddy! 🙂 Keep visiting every week for more interesting content.

  10. Its like you read my mind! You appear to understand a
    lot approximately this, such as you wrote the ebook in it
    or something. I feel that you simply can do with a few p.c.

    to drive the message house a little bit, however instead of that, this
    is wonderful blog. An excellent read. I’ll certainly be back.

    Stop by my webpage; CBD for dogs

  11. This is very fascinating, You are an overly skilled blogger.
    I have joined your feed and stay up for seeking extra
    of your great post. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks

    1. Author

      Hey, thank you for your support! You can also check Untamed Musing on Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram! We don’t fail to entertain. 😀

  12. Hi, I believe that I noticed you visited my blog so I came to return the want?. I am trying to find things to enhance
    my website!I guess it’s ok to make use of a few of your ideas!!

    Stop by my page :: CBD gummies for sale

    1. Author

      Sure!! You can get in touch with me to discuss more about it.

  13. Hi there colleagues, how is all, and what you desire
    to say on the topic of this piece of writing, in my view it’s genuinely remarkable in support
    of me.

    1. Author

      Hi!! Glad you enjoyed it 🙂 Don’t forget to check out my other posts

  14. I have read so many articles concerning blogger lovers except
    this post is genuinely a pleasant article, keep it
    up.

    1. Author

      Hey, thank you for your appreciation. Don’t forget to come back here every weekend for more interesting reads 🙂

  15. Hi there, I read your blog occasionally and I own a similar one
    and I was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments?

    If so how do you prevent it, any plugin, or anything you can suggest?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any assistance is very much appreciated.

    My site – cbd gummies

    1. Author

      Hey, Jetpack Anti‑spam — powered by Akismet is something I have heard about. Maybe give it a try. I personally don’t use any plugins for spam comments, instead, I manually send them to trash (I know not a great idea though)

    1. Author

      Haha, it sure makes you want to analyze yourself.
      Thank you 🙂

    1. Author

      Hey, thank you for taking time to share it with your peer 🙂

  16. wonderful submit, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this.

    You should continue your writing. I am confident, you have a great readers base already!

    Here is my site: best delta 8 thc

    1. Author

      Hey there! Thank you for your kind words, keeps me motivated 😀

  17. I have been exploring for a bit for any high-quality articles or blog posts in this kind of house. Exploring Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this site. Studying this info So I am satisfied to exhibit that I have a very excellent uncanny feeling I came upon just what I needed.
    I so much no doubt will make certain to do not forget this website and
    provides it a look on a continuing basis.

    Feel free to visit my blog delta 8 thc

    1. Author

      Hii there!!! M glad you liked it here. Come back here every week for some interesting reads

  18. Hi just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think it’s a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome.

    Feel free to visit my site delta 8 thc carts near me

    1. Author

      Hey, thank you for letting me know! will definitely look into it.

  19. It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I desire to suggest to you some interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you could write the next articles referring to this article.
    I want to read even more things about it!

    my blog best delta 8 thc

  20. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Appreciate it!

    My web blog … buy delta 8 thc

  21. Thanks a lot for sharing this with all folks you really recognize what you’re talking about approximately!
    Bookmarked. Kindly also seek advice from my site =).
    We may have a link trade arrangement between us

    Also visit my site – buy delta 8 thc near me

  22. Thanks for your personal marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you are a great author. I will remember to bookmark your blog and will often come back in the foreseeable future.
    I want to encourage you to continue your great work, have a nice holiday weekend!

    my homepage :: delta 8

    1. Author

      Hey there! Thank you for the support, Keeps me motivated 🙂
      I shall not fail to keep you engaged with more interesting reads.

  23. After checking out a handful of the blog posts on your blog,
    I seriously appreciate your way of blogging. I added it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back soon. Please visit my web site too and let me know your opinion.

    Also visit my web page :: CBD gummies for sale

    1. Author

      Thanks much 🙂 Do come here for regular updates and interesting reads.
      Will sure check out your website!

  24. Just desire to say your article is astounding. The clearness for your publish is just spectacular and that I could suppose you’re a professional on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to stay updated with the approaching post.
    Thanks a million and please keep up the rewarding work.

    Also visit my website cbd products

    1. Author

      Appreciate the support! Also, I am no expert in the subject. Just an enthusiast, on the path of learning as much as I can.

  25. Just desire to say your article is as surprising.
    The clarity in your post is simply cool and I can assume you’re an expert on this subject.
    Well with your permission let me grab your RSS feed to keep updated with the forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the enjoyable work.

    Here is my page – buy cbd gummies

    1. Author

      Hey! Appreciate the support 🙂
      Do feel free to grab the RSS feed and keep visiting for more such interesting a nd informative reads.

    1. Author

      Holla, Everything’s great here! Hope you are doing well 🙂
      Appreciate the support!

  26. I savor, cause I discovered exactly what I used to be having a
    look for. You’ve ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

    Here is my web-site; best CBD

  27. Greetings from Ohio! I’m bored to death at work so I decided
    to browse your site on my iPhone during lunch break.
    I love the info you present here and can’t wait to take a
    look when I get home. I’m surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my phone ..

    I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, excellent blog!

    Check out my page … CBD gummies for sleep

    1. Author

      Holla! Thanks much 🙂
      I am sure you will love it here. Keep visiting for more interesting reads.

  28. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this
    article plus the rest of the site is also very good.

    Visit my web page – cbd

  29. Genuinely no matter if someone doesn’t be aware of it afterward it’s up to other visitors that
    they will help, so here it occurs.

    Also visit my website: delta 8

  30. Normally I don’t read articles on blogs, however, I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to try and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks,
    quite a great post.

    My page :: delta-8-THC

  31. Somebody essentially assists to make serious articles I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your website page and thus far? I amazed with the analysis you made to create this actual publish extraordinarily. Magnificent activity!

    Also visit my homepage :: where to buy CBD

  32. I constantly emailed this webpage post page to all my associates, for
    the reason that if I like to read it afterward my links will too.

    Feel free to visit my homepage; delta 8 thc

  33. You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the best sites on the net.
    I’m going to highly recommend this website!

  34. Hi there mates, how is all, and what you desire to say on the topic of
    this piece of writing, in my view it’s actually awesome in favor of me.

    Check out my blog: delta 8 thc

    1. Author

      Hey! I am good, hope you are doing well 🙂
      Appreciate the support!

  35. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all, I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

    Feel free to surf to my page … CBD gummies for sale

    1. Author

      Hey there! thank you! Hope to see you around again 🙂

  36. Hiya! Quick question that’s completely off-topic.
    Do you know how to make your site mobile-friendly?
    My website looks weird when viewing from my apple iPhone.
    I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue.
    If you have any recommendations, please share. Cheers!

    my web page :: best delta 8

    1. Author

      It’s just about choosing the right theme for your website. That’s how it worked for me.
      So maybe try checking on a few other themes and don’t forget to preview the mobile version before activating the theme.

  37. Hi, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your blog site in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.

    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other than that, superb blog!

    1. Author

      Oh, thank you for bringing it to my notice. Will surely check on it!
      Also thank you for the support 🙂

  38. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achieve you access consistently fast.

    Also visit my site … delta 8 carts

  39. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author. I will ensure that I bookmark your blog and definitely will come back sometime soon. I want to encourage you to definitely continue your great writing, have a nice morning!

    Here is my web page: best delta 8 carts

    1. Author

      Hi, thanks much! Your words mean a lot to me 🙂
      Feel free to come back here for regular updates

    1. Author

      Haha.. true that! But newspapers have their own beauty 🙂 #beingoldschool

  40. Hello I am so grateful I found your weblog, I really found you by mistake, while I was browsing
    on Askjeeve for something else, Nonetheless, I am here now and would just like to
    say kudos for an incredible post and overall an interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it all at the minute
    but I have bookmarked it and also included your RSS feeds,
    so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the awesome job.

    1. Author

      Hey there! Your words mean a lot. I am glad you landed up on my webpage. Keep coming back for interesting reads

  41. You have made some good points there. I checked on the web for more info about the issue and found most individuals will go along with
    your views on this site.

    Look into my site … delta 8 carts

  42. I was curious if you ever considered changing the structure of your website?
    It’s very well written; I love what you’ve got to say.

    But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
    You’ve got a lot of text for only having 1 or
    2 images. Maybe you could space it out better?

    1. Author

      Thank you 🙂 Feedback taken!
      On another note, you should try surfing through my other posts, I am surer it will not disappoint you

  43. A motivating discussion is worth comment. I think that you
    ought to write more about this subject, it might not be a taboo matter but usually, folks don’t talk about these topics.
    To the next! Cheers!!

    My webpage – delta 8 carts

    1. Author

      Hey!! Thank you for your kind words 🙂 Will definitely come up with more interesting write-ups

  44. I just like the helpful info you provide in your articles.
    I will bookmark your blog and check once more right here frequently.
    I’m relatively sure I will learn a lot of new stuff right right here!
    Good luck with the following!

    my blog post … delta 8 thc

    1. Author

      Hope to see you around soon 🙂 Appreciate the support

  45. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this superb blog!
    I guess for now I’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your
    RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will share this website with my Facebook group.
    Talk soon!

    1. Author

      Hey there! Really appreciate the support! I will be coming up with newsletters and a donate button soon. Feel free to come back for more updates

  46. I absolutely love your blog. Very nice colors & theme.
    Did you create this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m hoping to create my own website and want to find out where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Thanks!

    1. Author

      Hey! Thank you for the appreciation.
      And yes, I created it myself. Get in touch with me at [email protected] to know more about the themes and the setup. Would love to be of some help

  47. What’s up, I wish to subscribe to this blog to take most
    up-to-date updates, thus where can I do it
    please assist.

    1. Author

      Hi, I’ll be coming up with a subscription option soon. You can be a part there. Until then you can get the RSS feed

  48. Howdy, There’s no doubt that your site could be having internet browser compatibility issues.
    Whenever I take a look at your website in Safari,
    it looks fine however when opening in IE, it’s got some overlapping issues.
    I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Aside from that, great blog!

  49. Hello, Neat post. There is a problem together with your website in web explorer, could check this? IE still is the marketplace leader and a big
    portion of people will omit your fantastic writing due to this problem.

    1. Author

      Thank you! Will surely look into the issue and rectify it asap

  50. You made some really good points there. I
    checked on the net for additional information about the issue and
    found most individuals will go along with your views on this website.

  51. Wonderful work! This is the kind of info that is meant to be shared across the web.
    Disgrace on Google for now not positioning this publish upper!
    Come on over and discuss with my website. Thank you =)

    Feel free to visit my web blog best delta 8 thc vape

    1. Author

      I am sure I’ll come there someday. Working for it!
      Anyway appreciate the support 🙂

  52. Hi there! This article couldn’t be written any better! Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He continually kept preaching about this. I am going to forward this post to him.

    Fairly certain he’s going to have a good read. I appreciate
    you for sharing!

    My web blog; slot

  53. Keep on writing, great job!

    Feel free to surf to my web page; buy delta 8 thc
    gummies (Ann)

  54. Heya, I’m for the first time here. I found this board and I
    find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something back and aid others as you helped me.

    Have a look at my web site … slot online

  55. Very descriptive article, I liked that a lot. Will there be a part 2?

    1. Author

      That’s the plan! 😀
      The aim is to provide verified quality content!

    1. Author

      Means a lot. Thanks much for the love 😀 Keep them coming

  56. Fine way of telling, and nice piece of writing to get facts concerning my presentation subject, which
    i am going to deliver in school.

    Also visit my web blog: US Magazine

  57. Excellent web site. A lot of helpful info here. I am sending it
    to a few buddies ans additionally sharing in delicious.
    And of course, thank you for your sweat!

    My web page; delta 8 THC

  58. I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and test once more here regularly.
    I am relatively sure I will be told much new stuff proper here!

    Best of luck for the next!

    my web site; weed vape

  59. It’s very straightforward to find out any topic on the net as compared to textbooks,
    as I found this post on this website.

  60. Your style is very unique in comparison to other people I have read stuff from.

    Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just bookmark
    this page.

    my webpage; delta 8 gummies (Milo)

  61. Aw, this was an extremely good post. Finding the time and actual effort to generate a very good
    article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and never seem to get anything
    done.

    Feel free to surf to my webpage – weed gummies

  62. Hey! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with
    us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Fantastic blog and wonderful design and style.

    Take a look at my web page – THC Gummies (http://www.kitsapdailynews.com)

  63. You can definitely see your enthusiasm in the work you write.
    The sector hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. All the time follow your heart.

    My web blog: THC Gummies

  64. Right here is the perfect website for everyone who really wants to understand this topic.
    You know so much it’s almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject that’s been written about for decades. Wonderful stuff, just excellent!

    My web-site THC Gummies (Marisa)

  65. Hurrah, that’s what I was looking for, what a material! existing
    here at this webpage, thanks admin of this website.

    Also visit my page … US Magazine

  66. Right away I am going to do my breakfast, when having my breakfast coming over again to read more news.

    Also visit my web site buy weed

  67. Just want to say your article is as surprising. The clearness in your post is simply great and I can assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming posts. Thanks a million and please carry on the rewarding work.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *